how i wish ppl to undestand

tho i just got back for a week,i hv been thinking or plannin bout my future hols since..
tot of not goen back at all till next year..
n i doubt i can do dat..5 days after i got back i texted my mom askin her wether i can go back for my uncle's wed..so not
my plan to visit meon durin diz winter mcm terpkser back off..i noe it sux mie here no hols n all..sigh
wether i go ur place diz oct or prolly after my final yr..????? i dunno i wanna see u so bad dat i cannot decide now wat to do..im very much giving up oled...i cannot afford to live here for atleast 6 months n not goen back to see my fam..
note to sarah,dear im not exaggerating but im miserable living here n still im dealing wif it ok..is not dat as if i cant live at all..mayb is hard for me to xplain to u, but i think der might b sum unresolved issues or mayb u always see me so dat u feel less important for my presence bck at home..i dunno..sorry suddenly i feel sad wen one of my bestfren here sed dat sum of our frens in msia doesnt feel d need n important seeing us or watsoeva or our presence wen we gt back..n sumhow mie,i feel dat it is quite true in her words.. =(