i wish i was normal like back then n i wish i will always b happy.....

My fren said i progress better rather than last year, which i supposedly mean it as less paranoid,solemn expression all over,too moody,so much of homesick n all d craziness.
Well, it seem dat me-think-to much of things has been put away from the box u called brain coz ive been occupyin myself wif lotsa things such as my salsa dancing.
Lately, the think-to- much of things of me have reappeared back in my head.I dunno how i can put it into words.Mayb im not that happy, or mayb i still cant control my intensity level of tense and by claiming it as an xcuse of my force majeure wen i loose control of my emotions.
In this matter oni one particular person who now wat im capable of doing, the one dat noe all my deepest dark secrets ever, M, i tot it was sth i can get it over but d truth is im the one who have d problems. U r rite im the one who doesnt have d guts to make an end of it.The thing is,its already sumwat i feel hard to let it go, mayb bcoz is has been too long.Mie, i noe u r totally blamin me, i struggle bout it too ok.
I never like wat i see in myself dats d BIG issue or problem.I like it wen i feel happy, i feel confidence more or less i will think sth positive out of it(atleast) but wen the feeling i longing was no longer intact it just make me dysfunctional or not nonfunctional.
Im no longer a girl who thinks dat she have everything n contemplate sth for my own beneficial.
I wish i have a drug to make me high n take me higher for sake of putting bhind. I hate it wen i see im not as good as this,im not this im not that even worst if i feel i look hideous n fat!!!
M, i think i gile la ni psycho btul!!!
gosh, plz come to my senses!!!!